Some intractable problems seem simple to solve. If your humble servant were running this Great Land of Ours, the proliferation of guns would be brought under control without batting an eye.

The retail, mail-order and Internet sales of firearms would be banned. In fact, police stations would become the only outlets for purchasing guns. Stores of all kinds - physical and digital - would be out of the bullet business. And the only valid reason for being issued a weapon would be demonstrable concern for personal safety. Registration of the firearm would be part of the purchase, naturally. Yes, criminals would have more guns than law-abiding citizens. But that will always be the case. And, yes, it would put an end to sporting use of firearms. But shooting any living being has never seemed to be very sporting. That hardly seems debatable anymore; but debate it we will, even in light of what has happened in Colorado, Arkansas and elsewhere.

Why our schools have become shooting galleries is a subject that could bedevil us for the rest of our lives. What is only slightly comforting is that, at least so far, the Internet has not become a rich resource for the arming of Americans. Trigger.com still only takes you to the site of an Internet access provider in Canada.

As Senior Writers Randy Barrett and Karen J. Bannan found in Inter@ctive Week's May 3 Cover Story, it may be easy to buy drugs and alcohol without much background checking, but picking up a gun is not easy.

Just like the use of the phone, automobile and other tools, we can't kid ourselves: There will always be ways to conduct illegal transactions via the Net. Encrypted e-mail is a perfect medium for conducting such business, which is why law enforcers want so badly to decipher it. Uncontrolled auctions are another. And only if we're into self-delusion can we any longer convince ourselves that violent video games, dark role models such as Marilyn Manson or hate sites on the Web don't desensitize an already insensitive society - or push fragile, ill minds over the edge.

It's time for the makers of Doom and Quake to turn in their Ferraris and earn their next millions trying to undo the damage they have done to human instincts. The human race has enough malice in its heart - see Kosovo - without getting any helping hands from interactive role-playing.

It's also time, though, for law enforcers, school administrators and even neighborhood watches to recognize that the Web is a starting point for fighting back. Never before have we had the chance to know so much about our friends, neighbors and classmates - without even breaching their privacy. Young people in particular love to tell you more about themselves than you might care to know, as was demonstrated in Littleton, Colo.

Monitoring Web sites for insight into our fellow human beings should and will become a common practice. But the truly determined maniac will learn how not to leave any clues out in the open - on the Web or elsewhere.

Over the long haul, we will find that the only weapons we have to fight back with are our hearts, minds and souls. Humane interaction is the only way out.

Thanks, Tom, for a well thought-out (and felt) editorial (May 3, 1999). I’m sure you’ve had rabid responses from Early American gun-toters. Unfortunately, a large group of Late American gun victims can’t comment. Yet it still seems to surprise us in this country, that the right to shoot at things means the risk of being shot at. And this even applies to the people we love most.

After all this debate, one question always remains for me: how many children are we willing to sacrifice to preserve the Right to Bear Arms?

It's one more example of rapid technological change fed by basic desire. In her 1997 book, Hamlet on the Holodeck: The Future of Narrative in Cyberspace, MIT humanities Professor Janet H. Murray puts it this way: "The human urge for representation, for storytelling, and for the transformational use of the imagination is an immutable part of our makeup, and the narrative potential of the new digital medium is dazzling."

The other day, I got a call from a man complaining that the gulls outside his window were interfering with his voice-activated computer. Apparently, every time a seagull let out a loud squawk, his computer would type up the word 'Aldershot' on this screen. After a while, that kind of thing can drive you mad.

From the Washington Post Invitational:

Report from Week 312, in which readers were asked to combine the works of two authors and provide a suitable blurb.

Second Runner-Up: "Machiavelli's The Little Prince" -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli.

The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed.
(Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.)

First Runner-Up: "Green Eggs and Hamlet":

Would you kill him in his bed?
Thrust a dagger through his head?
I would not, could not, kill the King.
I could not do that evil thing.
I would not wed this girl, you see.
Now get her to a nunnery.
(Robin Parry, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Dancing Critter:

"Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" -- An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice.
(Mike Long, Burke)

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of Cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No, idiot... this is the Manager of the Ice Rink!"