I have a day job. So every word of this is my opinion, not that of my employer. This offer IS void in Wisconsin. Except, of course, that some material in this column comes from incoming e-mail; such material is usually reproduced in the Sans Serif type font to distinguish it from the (somewhat) original material.

To Pay For This Column Voluntarily
Tales of Teaching 2004
Tales of Teaching 2005

June 2, 2003 Vol. 5, No.23

General News

• No Job Yet
• St. John Followup
• Modesty Does Not Forbid
• Political Thoughts

Computer Industry News

• Craig Reynolds' Technobriefs

Web Site of the Week

• Internet Stats, Scarily Complex MIT Puzzle Page

Humor

• The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival
• The Top 16 Signs Your Dog Is No Longer Your Best Friend
• The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats
• The Top 16 Signs a Newspaper Reporter Isn't Being Completely Honest

Movies

• The Italian Job

Letters

• GOP "Accomplishments," Tom Lehrer, Deck of Weasels, Mucho Grobstein, Mucho Jayson Blair

General News

No Job Yet

Length warning. Again.

From a simple results-oriented perspective, it must be stated simply: my first job interview was a failure. I did not get the job. Those of you with long memories will recall that I didn't have a great feeling about the interview the second it was over. Here's an excerpt from that column:

As it turns out, I was nervous. More on that in a minute.

Let's pause for a moment for this review of my rules when writing about events that involve people outside my family. When I write about incidents involving my family, I feel that a) they know I am going to write about them and b) I know what I can write and what I need to withhold. Generally, I know how they're going to react. Also, Vicki and Marlow never read this column, and Rae reads it only rarely. As Vicki notes, "I don't have to read it; I live it."

For the first few years of this column, I made the same assumption about outsiders.

Bad assumption.

Last fall, I nearly destroyed a very good and important professional relationship by writing about it in this column. I disguised the person's name and affiliation, but that wasn't enough. Don't go looking for the incident; it has disappeared. I wiped it out of the online version of the column. The thing is, I was quite comfortable quoting this person and describing the situation. I felt it reflected quite nicely on them, which is my usual criterion. Turns out that not everyone looks forward to living their life in a fishbowl as I do. This person read the column [I gave them my column URL] and said they felt I had violated a confidence; they felt they would have to be constrained in future conversations. The ability to post this person's interesting comments was outweighed by the potential loss of professional companionship. All I can say is, thank goodness for the Internet, where you can erase a posting and make it be both gone and inaccessible except to the VERY technically adept.

That decision, whether to blow a relationship for a good column, is faced commonly by personal columnists. It is much worse for those who toil in print, of course, because they make the decision and then must live with it, forever, in black and white. No takebacks in the newspaper business. Adair Lara (one of my all time favorite personal columnists) wrote about this now and then in conjunction with her tricky relationship with her daughter. Jon Carroll (my all-time favorite personal columnist) deals with it less often, although he recently replied to an e-mail question by noting that he mentions it all the time in the classes he teaches on how to write a personal column. I mean, it's not like I'm getting paid to do this (excepting, of course, for the substantial psychic rewards). For those of you who have forgotten or didn't know, I began this column because my last journalism job did not involve writing, and I missed my chance to type my guts out on a regular basis. Now that I am a teacher, I need this even more. It is true, apparently, that a writer has words bursting to get out and will feel bad if they can't share them.

Now then, back to the rules I apply when writing about others. Unless I have explicit permission to quote someone in this column by name, I usually don't. Some emails are clearly intended for use in the column; where there is any doubt, I ask for permission. Sometimes (hello Neal), I forget that I have been granted blanket permission. Sometimes, emails include an explicity prohibition (please don't use this in your column).

But it isn't enough to fuzz up a person's name and other identifying details. In cases where I am not comfortable even asking someone for permission to quote their words in the column, my policy (made doubly careful after last fall) is not to quote them at all. Which brings us to my job interview two weeks ago. I will not quote a single word spoken by the principal or the teachers on the panel; all comments about the experience will be based on my experience, since I was the one person in the room whose permission I am sure I have.

It now seems apparent that I bounced into that interview without preparation and was too enthusiastic, verbose, and, despite my "instant analysis" interpretation, too nervous. I talk too much when I'm nervous. It was, after all, as I should have realized, my first job interview since 1979.

Job hunting 101 says you do a practice interview, videotape it, and either critique it yourself or get someone to critique it. I was overconfident. After all, I reasoned, I had done a practice job interview during the outplacement course paid for by my former employer (18 months ago). I am a former talk show host, a communication professional with 30 years experience. I know my stuff. I am a naturally vivacious, loquacious, enthusiastic, outgoing, optimistic person. What more could you ask for?

As is now apparent, what you could ask for is peace, quiet, short answers that apply directly to the question, a lower state of energy and less obvious nervousness.

Am I doing something unfair by presenting a facade in a job interview that does not represent the real me? No, I am convinced, I am not (or rather, I will not be; it is too late to make a second first impression at the middle school at which I'll never be hired to work). A job interview is a performance. Just as no good actor would play a drama for laughs, and only the best actors play comedy straight, I need to turn in a context-appropriate performance. If I can't give the interview panel what they want, they're right in rejecting me as a potential teacher because I probably can't give the students what they need.

Once again, the point is, it is not about me, it is about them. First, about the interview panel. Then about the students. My performance, whether in the interview room or the classroom, needs to be context appropriate. Despite this preliminary setback, I still feel I have what it takes. I choose to view this first interview as a dry run. I'll bag the job next time.

St. John Followup

We attended a Sunday Service at St. John The Divine Episocpal Cathedral in NYC the Sunday before Marlow's graduation. Ross Snyder writes:

Mea Culpa Ross. I see my mistake now. Here is what I wrote:

Nowhere do the words "Episcopal" or "Anglican" appear. And since I am a baptized, confirmed and communicant Episcopalian (well, just barely communicant), it would have beehoved me to credit my fellow churchmen and women for this magnificent edifice. On the other hand, I didn't even mention the "smells and bells" aspects of the service in my report. I didn't/don't mean to leave a false impression, but goodness, I thought St. Michael's and All Angels Episcopal Church in Portland was high church--it looks Presbyterian compared to St. John's!

For those of you who aren't Episcopal/Anglican, congregations may vary their services, in a range from low church--informal, with guitars--to high church--long, formal, and with lots of incense and bells or "smells and bells" as Father West used to put it.

Modesty Does Not Forbid

Joe Saltzman of the Image of the Journalist in Popular Culture project at USC's Anneberg School, this week asked me to contribute to his online list of female journalists. This goes nicely with my (ahem) widely know pages on journalism movies and journalism quotes and journalism books.

Political Thoughts

The tax bill passed by the Congress in the week ending May 23, 2003, (generally known as the "Rob The Poor To Pay Bush's Campaign Contributors Act Of 2003") was discussed by Paul Krugman in The New York Times, page A27, May 27, 2003, in his column titled Stating The Obvious.

Krugman began by quoting the Financial Times of London which wrote: "The lunatics are now in charge of the asylum." After observing that the coming financial train wreck is deliberately designed to enable the Republicans to stop social programs which have protected the people of the United States since the Great Depression, Krugman concluded that George W. Bush and the Republicans "aren't conservatives: they're radicals who want to do away with the social and economic system we have, and the fiscal crisis they are concocting may give them the excuse they need. The Financial Times, it seems, now understands what's going on, but when will the public wake up?"

This column is particularly hot. I caught it on my own, and have received six emails about it. It strikes a real chord among the kind of people who know me/read my column.

I think I am going to have to start reading Krugman twice a week in the Times. He's the only columnist out there speaking truth to power right now, as opposed to getting his lips vapor locked to power's behind. Actually, Robert Reich (Clinton's labor secretary and author of the ironically named "I'll be Short") also speaks the truth to power, but he doesn't have Krugman's bully pulpit, as you'll see if you click to his web site.

Computer Industry News

Craig Reynolds' Technobriefs

Craig Reynolds surfs the net for you.

Web Site of the Week

Internet Stats, Scarily Complex MIT Puzzle Page

Richard Dalton writes:

If you think this Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle is difficult, try this puzzle page, apparently written by someone in the MIT community. Once again, Daniel Dern has found a page created by someone who belongs in the vast pantheon of "people with too much time on their hands."

Much more useful was another page Daniel found, a Lorem Ipsum generator. If you are in the graphic arts of typesetting business, this is for you.

Humor

The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Cannes Film Festival

Ah, it's good to be King (for the 14th time)...

The Top 16 Signs Your Dog Is No Longer Your Best Friend

Not only am I on a roll (at No. 14), I am tied with the smartest game show host in television, Mr. Pat Sajak! Great minds do think alike.

The Top 15 Worst Names for Boats

I came in third, but I ran more credits than usual to show my position relative to my humor writing colleague Mr. Sajak.

The Top 16 Signs a Newspaper Reporter Isn't Being Completely Honest

To quote Weird Al Yankovic: I need to stop drop and roll because I'm on fire. At No. 10:

Movies

The Italian Job

You want the facts? Go to the Internet Movie Database.

Sometimes, you read someone else's review, and its perfect, and you wonder why you should struggle to write your own when your ideas have already been expressed to perfection. From IMDB.com:

Yet he liked it. I did too. There is no growth, no real hugs, just a first-class villain by Ed Norton, the strangest and most under-appreciated actor in Hollywood, and a bland turn by those famously bland actors Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron. Seth Green plays... well, Seth Green (and yes, Shawn Fanning really does play himself in the funniest three-second cameo in motion picture history). Yet somehow, with a few camera tricks, good special effects and some great pyrotechnics, director F. Gary Gray and writer Donna Powers have created 104 minutes of sheer entertainment. The mini-Cooper car chase is every bit as good as advertised. I haven't seen the original so I can't compare it. This movie doesn't make you think. It won't stick with you 10 minutes after you leave the theater. Nothing to discuss. Nothing to ponder. Just entertaining.

Letters

GOP "Accomplishments," Tom Lehrer, Deck of Weasels, Mucho Grobstein, Mucho Jayson Blair

Apropos of last week's list of GOP accomplishments provided by Dan Grobstein, Ross Snyder writes:

Richard Dalton wrote to thank me for the Tom Lehrer link in last week's column, on behalf of his wife Linda, a Lehrer fan. That caused me to run out and look for Lehrer links; The Onion conducted the best recent (May 2000)Tom Lehrer interview I've seen. Richard also found a very sad story in the Telegraph of London entitled [Iraqi] Villagers suffer radiation sickness after looting nuclear power plants.

Peggy Coquet found a Deck of Weasels, in which a pro-Bush web site (claiming, of course that it's a "parody") lists a number of artists, musicians, writers, and former president Carter as traitors"

I nominate these people for one of Joe Martin's "Unclear on the concept" awards, but then the right has always been a little dim on the Bill of Rights.

Dan Grobstein was the first person to point out Warren Buffet's savage critique of Bushnomics, Dividend Voodoo in the Washington Post, but he sent me a copy from a newsletter and I couldn't find the original online. Thank you Craig Reynolds for the URL. Please note that Buffett, like William H. Gates II (Bill's dad) has the guts most Democratic politicians lack, and is willing to tell the truth about the class warfare initiated by our "president."

Dan also found this Mona Lisa Smile-changing site, as well as two New York Times stories: For Partisan Gain, Republicans Decide Rules Were Meant to Be Broken, and Surprise Jumps in Credit Rates Bring Scrutiny. In the Toronto Globe and Mail (Dan gets around) he found White House insider cleans up Bush's image on film, a story you don't want to miss. A bumper sticker vendor he found notes that Howard Dean is the leading Democratic candidate, based on bumper sticker sales.

You may not share my interest in "inside baseball" about Journalism. If you don't, skip the rest of the column. First, some links from John Hawkinson, the ombudsman of my college paper, The Tech:

Jon Carroll, the world's greatest newspaper columnist, also weighed in with two columns on the subject: The Ghost Of Jayson Will Return and How Bad Was Jayson Blair.

Dave Methvin's PC Pitstop