The first morning we did a canal tour of Bangkok. We were supposed to start with a floating market, and although we saw a couple boats in the canal, the real floating market is somewhere outside Bangkok where the river is bigger and less polluted. So they just kind of stopped at some point at a warehouse and told us to shop for awhile. Next the canal tour took us to the snake farm which also had a zoo. We saw the snake show which involved milking the poisonous venom out of a viper and teasing a huge boa constrictor by tossing it around the stage. The snakes definitely seemed scary, and there was very little between them and the audience, but the handlers were very nonchalant in dealing with them, even bringing them into the audience to be petted (not slimy, dad). The zoo was interesting because all the cages were so small and packed together that you could see a lot of animals in short stay, but for the same reason of course, it was kind of sad for the animals. The monkeys were all very domesticated, when it came to feeding time you could pass them corn through the cage if you wanted. I saw some big black thing I'd never seen before, looked kind of like a cross between a dog and a badger. There were a lot of birds, some crocodiles, of course a bunch of snakes, a huge turtle, two black Asian bears, and even a cage full of rabbits and guinea pigs (which I assume were actually just snake food). After the snake farm they ran us through a handicraft store and a gem store. This is a common ploy on all these tours--they take you to stores where the guides get commission for anything bought. Since in the group I was travelling with Marcy and I were the only white people, we always got the hardest targeting on these stops while C and G could waltz through at their own pace. We went to lunch at a mall near our new hotel and got some Thai-like food, I actually had some Thai-Taiwanese-style shaved ice for dessert. The choices were different in Taiwan so it was a different kind of experience, but still mostly good, except for the tarot that was unsweetened. I had a good Thai iced tea though which made up the difference. We went back to the hotel for a nap, and then in the evening we went to a two-part show. The first part was a "cabaret" which meant that "lady boys" (transgenders or transvestites) did a show lip-syncing to various Thai, Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, and English songs. The costumes were all over the top. There were some male dancers as well, but they all looked like they might be in training to someday be lady boys themselves. Y actually got pulled up on stage for one song by the ugliest Asian transvestites you ever saw. In general though they were very, very convincing. I can see why they are famous the world over. After that show we moved to a different theater for traditional Thai dancing with a live Thai band and a Thai dinner. Much of the classical dancing had some back-story about fights between princes and demons, but the woman doing the announcing had such a thick accent that the non-native English speakers couldn't understand anything, and I normally just caught a dozen words myself. After the show we went to the night market in Bangkok. It was great because I'd never been anywhere where you could bargain before. I had a lot of fun haggling over silks and t-shirts alike. We ran into A and S at the night market and ended the night with Traditional Thai massage. We were all in the same big room on the fourth floor of the massage place. I really felt great and very loose afterwards. They make everything in your body crack, and they use their whole bodies in the process. When I stood up I was surprised at how much bigger I was than my masseuse.

December 1, 2003

16> Herpes the Love Bug Rises Again

15> Pocket Monsters, Inc.

14> In Search of the Castaways' Remains

13> The Inedible-Due-to-Harbor-Pollution Mister Limpet

12> Babes in Neverland

11> Kilo and Snitch

10> The Skanky Dog

9> Bedknobs and Handcuffs

8> Pocahotass

7> Lady and the Cramps

6> Brother, Bare

5> 101 Inflammations

4> DumbHo

3> The Lizzie McGuire/Paris Hilton Movie

2> That Darn Clap

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Unreleased Disney Movie...

1> Darby O'Gill and the Village People

The governator is an obvious topic for satire. I do object to the misspelling of California, however, on the otherwise amusing seal. Arnold's earned the right to a lot of jabs (including Doonesbury's) but using his accent as the butt of a joke is below the belt in a country made up largely of immigrants.