Copenhagen is ok. It is a lot like the Netherlands. Part of Copenhagen is even built on canals and called little Amsterdam. Everyone here is even taller and blonder than in the Netherlands, and they somehow even speak better English, and it is hard to beat the Dutch. I went to Christiania, the Free City inside Copenhagen. It was actually a bit of a let down, apparently there has been a lot of crack downs lately, so a lot of the 'ambience' has been destroyed, and because the commune has some set residential rules the people hanging around in the restaurant and bars looked like they'd been there since the seventies rather than being fresh blood. I bought a couple of trinkets to support the anarchists and then wandered around for awhile. I came back to the hotel and took a nap. For the last couple of hours I've been walking around the main pedestrian streets and the university. I bought a sweater, a hackey sack, and a silver ring. I'm hoping to do more jewelry shopping tomorrow and maybe see a museum. There are churches everywhere, and a little island that is full of parliament buildings and other large sights, but I haven't been inside any of 'em, I might go back and see parliament in session tomorrow. Two of the buildings here actually have very interesting spires, one looks like a spiral staircase and the other is made of the entwined tails of three dragons facing down towards the street. Otherwise, much of the time it looks kind of like the Netherlands without the canals. Copenhagen definitely has big streets for cars too though, which Amsterdam lacks, but Rotterdam has. People here actually obey the walking signals. No one jaywalks, everyone signals, even when they're just stopping on their bike. Weird. Luckily I overheard some people on the plane here talking about that, so I have avoided getting screamed at by the locals.

I might just rent a bike tomorrow and see whatever is left tomorrow. I don't know. I feel vaguely nauseous and I don't know why. It is hard to want to eat smørgasbord, even Danishes give me pause. I thought I was getting over being sick.

Maybe someone can inject some reality into the bloated Homeland Security boondoggle. I thought about this on a recent Amtrak ride from Providence, RI to New York.

Living on Cape Cod, I'm about the same distance from Boston's Logan airport as from T.F. Green airport outside Providence. Either way, I have to budget an hour beyond commute times to allow for early morning security checks at the airports. Instead, I board an Acela train and 2 hours and 46 minutes later, I'm in Penn Station.

"Security" at the Providence Amtrak station is a single rent-a-cop, typically drinking coffee and chatting with a friendly passenger (or a "terrorist," for all he knows). I go to the track 5 minutes before departure and board with a brief case, suitcase, steamer trunk or all three--doesn't matter, nothing is searched.

I'm sure the train I usually ride carries at least as many passengers as the typical commuter jet. Do our Homeland Security boffins really believe that terrorists can"t figure out the security disparity between airports and Amtrak stations?

Yet we continue to tighten airport security to the point where it is infuriating and often insulting. I love hopping along, trying to put on my shoes, zip my carry-on, and still make it to the departure gate before it closes. So far, I have escaped being "patted down."

I know I'm not going to take Amtrak cross-country. But there's no question I'll use it for NY trips: it's cheaper, more comfortable, faster (portal-to-portal), and I can escape being treated as a dangerous suspect.

Anybody for a change?

I think you'll find that without some sort of paper trail, there will be no way to know if there was any tampering. With no paper trail, there is nothing to compare tallies to and it's already been demonstrated that the voting software is vulnerable.

I think a better use of time and effort would be to push for some sort of verification with electronic voting. Some way to create a paper trail so that machines could be checked.

Short of finding the dastardly Republican that ordered the vote rigging and sweating him under a hot light, I don't see where anything will ever be proved, one way or the other.

I'm sympathetic to the frustration but I think we have to accept that we lost. John Kerry was NOT the best candidate and he and his advisers didn't run the best campaign. Their response to the Swift boat allegations was way too slow and way too weak. Privacy was never a core issue, nor was openness in government. And what about the Haliburton contracts? If that had happened under the Clinton administration, there would have been six different investigations and 3 special prosecutors.

The Republicans scared the public into re-electing them and the Democrats were never able to come up with a message that sank home with the majority of voters. Look at how many people still believe that Saddam had something to do with Sept 11th and that he was close to launching nuclear weapons at the US. Look at the number of people that are cheered by the security theater put on by the government but who are actually no safer than they were on Sept 10th. Many believe that since they're not dead yet, it must be because W is at the helm. They never stop to think that the odds of being killed by a terrorist in the US is still infinitesimal. They're much more likely to be killed by a drunk on the highway. So we spend millions on security at airports and can't pass the simplest of laws to get drunks off the road.

I don't know what the answer is but I know that neither W nor John Kerry is it. I think education is the only answer. When people become able to intelligently analyze speeches, statements and positions taken by their representatives and to understand what really motivates them, we may have a chance. But the way things are going in the public schools, I'm not optimistic. (My wife has been a 3rd grade teacher for 26 years in Georgia.)

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'"

'MERRY CHRISTMAS!'

Despite a fairly short filmography, Wes Anderson has made a name for himself with quirky works such as Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, and The Royal Tenenbaums. Unfortunately, The Life Aquatic will add nothing positive to that reputation - it is a silly, pointless, and inane attempt at comedy. Bill Murray reprises his damaged, world-weary persona from Lost In Translation as fading oceanographer Steve Zissou, and he is surrounded by the likes of Cate Blanchett, Anjelica Huston, Owen Wilson, Jeff Goldblum, Harold and Maude's Bud Cort, and Willem Dafoe - to no avail. I could try to focus on a few nice, small touches - several old David Bowie songs joining new work by Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh in the soundtrack, Brazilian singer Seu Jorge's acoustic cover versions of Bowie in Portuguese, animated undersea creatures - but why bother? It would only make The Life Aquatic sound better than it is. This film feels like it was shot without a script, and leaves you wondering why and how it ever got made.

--Neal Vitale