My first set of 8th graders taught me a few things. 1. That a group in nature abhors a vacuum of leadership. If you provide none, the group will provide it for you. The status of alpha in the group is usually decided within the first few moments of joining together, and is continually tested and stretched. Innumerable scenes were played out, improvised actually, where a probing for weakness would result in a ton of salt being poured into any open wound. The actors involved were usually male with names like Stevie, and Ricky with voices not yet changed but imaginations full blown and the persistence and reasoning ability of a personal injury lawyer. Little did I know then that they would later be iconified in a boy named Bart.

2. It's all about entertainment and providing the audience with the most that they can stand. My favorite, and yes I had favorites, student was Keturah. She had no great quality, neither charm nor intellect nor youthful beauty about to spring forth. She was tall, lanky, with a coltish clumsiness, and a long face surrounded by straight locks...

At one point and driven by which demon, spark or spirit, I'll never know, Keturah stood up, closed her book, and said at the top of her lungs, "THIS IS BOOOOORRRRIIIINNNGG". The class thought this was a true hoot, and coming from an unexpected source was a moment of great hilarity. After the shock of her announcement wore off I covered the moment with disciplinary band-aids and a stern warning and shout to the class to "Quiet down and get your work done". ...

The epiphany was that she was right. She was more than right, she had spoken the truth in a loud, clear voice in a public setting. The environment of most educational settings was predicated on developing and molding workers who would participate as cogs in the great machinery of business, and that the lesson taught most clearly was to accept a life of boredom without complaint....

At that instant I didn't know exactly what to do with that epiphany, except to vow to myself and to any and all students that I might ever be given the honor of teaching that I would not waste their time, I would not lie or shade the truth, and I would not be boring. That night I became a teacher.

This is staggering: 15,000 people a day? More than 1 million people since September 11? Kind of puts things in perspective:

This is one of the most heart-rending articles I've read. As we spend hundreds of millions bombing Afghanistan and funnel hundreds of millions to New York, do you think we could divert a miniscule trickle of that flow to these kids, also innocent victims of The War on Terror?

Douglas Adams' Final 'Hitch Hiker's Guide' Found

LONDON (Reuters) - The final unfinished novel by cult British author Douglas Adams is to be published next year on the anniversary of his death, his agent says.

``A Salmon of a Doubt,'' the final and sixth part of his classic ``The ``Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy,'' has been edited from files found on Adams's computer after he died suddenly in May (at the age of 49).

The local paper reports that HP has named three U.S. cities for K-12 school upgrade gifts. One is East Menlo, a run-down area with 'way-high numbers of low-income minority students. Each of 420 kids gets a $2200 laptop, with another 45 for teachers and administrators. I believe the program was initiated by a chap who was sacked by la Fiorina and replaced by a woman many consider incompetent. Somebody must have kicked her butt.

There's no reason you should be aware of the uproar at HP, but you can bet many are watching, watching. The eldest sons of Mr. H. AND Mr. P., both board members, are campaigning against Fiorina's hell-bent determination to merge HP with Compaq. Then, to the great surprise of many, Dick Hackborn came out with a strong criticism of the two heirs, claiming they don't understand that, under the tenets of "The HP Way" their parents would be welcoming the change. Dick was the last chairman before Carly, the best possible top executive, profoundly well educated, technically, with demonstrated splendid ability to run things, inspire creativity, and make fine product decisions and good profits. He was instrumental in putting the company into the printer business. I'm puzzled. It's true he was a major influence in recruiting la belle, but no one ever found him defensive about correcting errors.

looking for is someone who can tell him the various ways they believe that Microsoft can (or will) circumvent the consent decree it signed. Some of them, of course, are obvious, but there are, no doubt, subtle ones as well. Like undocumented calls back in the DOS days.

Not exactly Tetris but pretty clever

16> "I'm afraid you're setting off a heightened alert in my pants, Ma'am."

15> "The new FAA rules require me to remove your security breeches."

14> "Honey, this is a Bodacious Ta-Ta-sniffing dog, and two barks means you're guilty."

13> "Excuse me, Sir, is that a large organic cylinder I detect in your pants?"

12> "Ever been stripped-searched by a minimum-wage flunky?"

11> "And if I might be so bold, Ma'am, I don't think you'll be needing your seat cushion as a flotation device."

10> "I'm going to have to inspect your package for spores."

9> "Step over here, please. You've set off my babe detector and I'm afraid I'm going to have to scan you with my wand."

8> "I'm afraid you can't pass this point, 'cause you da bomb, Baby."

7> "Sir, can I turn on your laptop?"

6> "If you're finished checking my bag, there's one more pair of underwear to go through."

5> "You know, if we were to make love now, we could have a child before we get to the front of the line!"

4> "Good thing that's not a wood detector, 'cause you'd keep me here all night."

3> "Has anyone unknown to you handled those funbags?"

2> "What say we dump Gramma here out of the golf cart and go cruisin'?"

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Airport Security Pick-Up Line...

1> "So do you have any condoms that aren't full of heroin?"

16> "And now, a reading from the book of Greenspan, Chapter 11..."

15> "Hell, we've spent the next 3 years' payroll defending ourselves against all those sexual harassment suits you gals filed."

14> "We finally found a way to force 12-year-old girls in Malaysian sweatshops to do our middle management for us."

13> "We're moving to Mexico -- and you're not."

12> "Though performance has exceeded expectations, the Web Surfing 'n' Donut Eating Department has been deemed dispensable."

11> "The company just isn't ready for that kind of commitment and needs some space. We still want to be friends, though."

10> "Turns out we're just another front for Al Qaeda."

9> "Replacing you with a monkey would mean more efficiency, *and* less poo on the carpet."

8> "Remember last year's annual report, in which our CEO reported a sizable outlay of capital in the Jalalabad Hilton project...?"

7> "Miss Cleo says you gotta leave, you gotta leave."

6> "Adverse marketplace conditions necessitated a strategic resource reallocation to enable renewed focus on core competencies within key client segments, resulting in headcount rightsizing to hit shareholder-mandated returns. Yeah, that's the ticket!"

5> "Look at it this way -- you can see 'Harry Potter' every day this week if you want to."

4> "Please excuse Johnny for firing all those people. He's a greedy, cold-hearted son-of-a-bitch. Signed, Johnny's Mom."

3> "It's all about providing our customers a quality product, Mr. Scapego-- er, Wilson."

2> "You'll notice your co-workers who haven't been wasting their time with Internet humor lists still have their jobs."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Excuse Given for Corporate Layoffs...

1> "Look, it was either you or someone we like."

Amelie, an innocent and naive girl in Paris, with her own sense of justice, decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love.

First, about Prop. 13. I opposed it at the time, favoring a more moderate alternate that was on the same ballot. Then, I felt strongly that we were being screwed by the County -- property taxes were mounting directly in proportion to increases in valuation. That time was somewhat like today -- ten, even twenty percent rises each year. Local politicians, at angry meetings hereabouts, declared it was their duty to lower rates as values increased, so expenditures would not freely follow the market up. But they didn't. The fanatics who marketed Prop. 13, and many a tax-buster later, found fertile ground and passed the thing easily. Well, SOMETHING had to be done. Not many foresaw what it would do to the schools. 13 was and is unjust, surely; My property taxes are about 8% of the amount my new neighbor down the street pays, based on the ungodly price he paid for a house somewhat less desirable than mine. But... I can't help treasuring the fact that I couldn't possibly have kept this place, nor live anywhere near, if 13 weren't favoring me unfairly, still.

Do you recall the landmark photo tampering case in the early 1980s, where National Geographic "moved" the pyramids because it enhanced the composition of the cover age photo of their issue featuring Egypt?

"I don't understand it either. Maybe you got the joke wrong."

If a math professor doesn't understand it, it's either a very subtle joke or Rae's pulling your leg. Did you ever ask her to explain the joke to you?

It occurs to me that possibly the only good thing about losing your job is not having to worry about offending the bosses or my great aunt Millie. Who would love your column were she still with us. I like the new claimer. Is that the opposite of a disclaimer? And I'm sure the people of Wisconsin are thrilled to finally be included.