When we buried my father last week (Richard Taffe, Sr., 80, ex-AP/Boston; Waltham, Mass., News-Tribune; Northern Virginia Sun; Lowell, Mass., Sun; and a 30-year military career intervening with several PIO slots, including Asst.Sec.Def's information office lately occupied by Ms. Tripp), my brother included in his eulogy a poem our Dad had read at the funeral of his father (Arthur Leo Taffe, AP/Boston; Boston Record-American). I thought it may interest Downholders who may not have seen it.

A covered typewriter, an empty chair.
A newspaperman once sat there.
The facts he gathered, the words he bled
were mostly things that others said.
His life was tangled in a web of news,
and the things he caught were events and views.
Most folks' lives are counted in years,
but his were stories of hopes and fears.
He fed on facts and thirsted for truth.
He walked among the high, the low and uncouth.
He hated the pompous, pitied the fool
and had no patience for a stupid rule.
All he wanted for his own epitaph
was a single-sentence paragraph,
written on stone and stuck in sand:
"He was a good newspaperman."

"My suspicion is that the Bushes' seeming antipathy for me stems from a certain traitor to his class incomprehension. Because, on paper, I'm one of them. Anyway, it's true; the election result is good for me. Bush is this stable hard target. It's as if Quayle had won. Plus you have the wonderful narrative of how he got where he now is. It took his brother, his father, his father's friends, the Florida secretary of state, and the Supreme Court to pull it off. His entire life gives fresh meaning to the phrase 'assisted living.'"

Remember to never split an infinitive.

The passive voice should never be used.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

A writer must not shift your point of view.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

Always pick on the correct idiom.

The adverb always follows the verb.

Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

Avoid annoying alliteration.

Don't verb nouns.

Don't use no double negatives.

Make each pronoun agree with their antecedent.

When dangling, watch your participles.

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

About those sentence fragments.

Try to not ever split infinitives.

Its important to use apostrophe's correctly.

Always read what you have written to see if you've any words out.

Correct spelling is esential.

Proofread you writing.

Between you and I, case is important.

Verbs has to agree with their antecedents.

Wow, I remember hearing this -- long, long ago.

Three hunters stop at a convenience store in Maine to purchase supplies. "I notice you folks don't have a dog," said the storeowner. "You can rent mine for $50 a day. His name's 'Reporter,' and he's the best hunting dog around here."

The three hunters talk it over, and agree to rent Reporter. Their money was well spent as the dog did everything a good hunting do is supposed to do: point, flush, retrieve...and their hunt is a successful one.

As the hunting season progresses, the hunters use Reporter again and again with continuing success, although the savvy storeowner ups the price to $250/day as it's obvious the dog is a winner.

The next hunting season begins and the three hunters are there for the second weekend. The go to the store and ask the owner if Reporter is available.

The owner looks dejected and replies, "Yep he is, and you can have him for $5 a day." The hunters are incredulous. "Five bucks? For Reporter? Are you kidding?"

"Nope," says the owner. "Last weekend, some idiot hunters took Reporter out with them. They called him 'Editor' by mistake and now all he does is sit on his ass and bark."